You spend hours choosing the perfect outfit. You stand in front of the mirror because God knows how long it will take to make sure no hair is out of place. Shoes and purses… fierce. Make-up … absolutely perfect. You’ve been taking dance classes for the past few weeks and you’ve actually just completed a 6 week beginner Salsa course. You have the look … you have the movement … but you will soon find out that you are missing an important part … attitude.
You ride with your friends, to the beat of the music expecting a nice evening. You arrive at the club and you hear a conga beat. You watch subtle men lead women onto the dance floor and women gracefully move to the beat. “Wow” you think to yourself… “everyone is so nice!” Before you know it you are in the back of the room with wet hands avoiding eye contact.
You’ve gone from wishing for dance nights and fun times to feeling like your back in your 6th grade Sadie Hawkins dance. In an effort to maybe meet someone or bring a little attention to yourself, you move to a bar. No one said anything to you and certainly no one asked you to dance. You think to yourself… “Maybe I should buy a drink to relax”. You get a drink… and feel a little better… but nothing comes to you. Your friends have spread out. People who have no intention of dancing hover near you while those who dare are on the floor.
What is wrong? If you’re like most women, especially women who don’t go out very often… in the first 20 minutes of dating, you start to doubt yourself. Women, we are our own worst enemies. We tear ourselves down before giving others a chance too. I have taught countless dance classes where I have heard the following…
I don’t go out because no one will dance with me… I’m overweight.
Nobody wants to dance with me because I’m ugly.
No one will dance with me because I don’t have nice clothes.
Nobody’s gonna dance with me because I’m not that good.
No one will dance with me because I’m not sexy.
No one will dance with me because I’m not thin enough.
The list goes on. What I am here to tell you and what I have told many of my students is that NOTHING is true. I’ve given the following advice to many women who after following these simple tips I’ll find that not only are they asked to dance, but they can barely get off the dance floor!
I wrote this quick guide to getting off the dance floor to help women everywhere get out and about and feel better about themselves.
Rule #1
Realize that there is nothing wrong with you. When you feel insecure, you act insecure. Sometimes insecurity or shame shows up as unfriendliness. So first things first… realize that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re beautiful. You are smart. You are entertaining and you deserve someone’s full attention. Remember self-esteem is what people think of themselves. It comes from within. You decide how you see yourself. So from now on see yourself as a beautiful and sexy vixen!
Tip: Want to lose weight instantly? Stand up straight! Just by paying attention to your posture and standing up straight you will look thinner and more confident.
Rule #2
Smile.
Smiling does wonders not only for your face but also for other people’s perception of you. People who smile often appear more friendly. What women often fail to realize is that asking someone to dance is a stressful experience for men. Just like those in 8th grade…they were often still a little afraid of the opposite sex. Nobody likes rejection. You might think no one is talking to me because I’m not pretty but maybe it’s quite the opposite.
There’s probably a lot of guys in the room who think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and are too scared to say anything to you . . . let alone ask you to dance with them. Now imagine if you subconsciously frown. Nothing will come within 10 feet of you.
Now you’re probably thinking… “smiling sounds nice and so on… but what should I smile about?” Yes staring into space and smiling will actually make you look like a lunatic. You don’t want to go that far. What you want to do is find reasons to smile…like the people or things that make you smile.
Personally I like going to places where there is a live band. When I watch a live band, it’s hard for me not to smile and get to the beat. Another easy way to smile is to see a couple on the dance floor having fun or a phenomenal dancer or both. While you enjoy their dancing smiles!
The easiest way to smile…find someone sexy…make eye contact and smile at them. He might just smile back!
Once you are on the dance floor, keep a smile on your face. Smiling really softens you up and it will be seen by your partner and those watching that you are really having fun!
Rule #3
Approaching the dance floor.
One of the first mistakes women make is to go straight to the bar or find a seat. It’s okay to find a place to put your jacket… but if you want to dance don’t sit down. You have to make a point of getting up and standing near the dance floor. Men tend to assume that women sitting down don’t want to dance and women near bars are drinking and don’t want to dance.
You want a quick track to the dance floor…stand next to it and bounce to the music. I guarantee someone will swap you in a jiffy. I’ve heard men refer to women standing near the dance floor as “easy targets” because they can tell they’re ready to dance. Don’t forget to smile!
Rule #4
Dress Appropriately.
If you are learning a certain type of dance and you are practicing and having fun, then wear that part. If you’re learning Latin dance, buy a good pair of Latin-style ballroom shoes. If you study general ballroom, get a good pair of closed-toe ballroom shoes. There is a type of shoe to suit almost every dance. If you’re serious about learning to dance or want to dance in that style often, buy the shoes.
The first men out dancing and wanting to dance will often find out and find women who have the right footwear. They target people with the right shoes because they think they know how to dance and they rightly assume that women who wear the right shoes want to dance. Second you will be more comfortable.
When I first started dancing socially, I wore regular high heels and didn’t understand why after an hour I was already late and wanted to go home. One night a lady was kind enough to tell me about her secret which was ballroom shoes. Shortly after I bought my first pair and have never looked back.
You also want to make sure that you are not too scantily clad. Many women feel they have to show all parts of their bodies to get attention. This is not true. When wearing a super short mini dress and the platform will catch your eye… it will likely get the wrong attention. I mean, if you’re looking for that kind of attention, more power to ya sis… otherwise, be sexy, but don’t be slutty.
Just as there are different types of shoes for each dance, there are usually different types of clothing to suit each style. Observe what works best for the dance style you are interested in and try to stay within that realm. If you love Latin dancing as much as I do, you’ll quickly discover that there are many ways to be sexy yet classy, which I’ll cover in my next guide.
Rule #5
Be a Good and Friendly Dance Partner.
Once you get to the dance floor, be nice! Some women go from being on the sidelines to being arrogant once they hit the dance floor. Be nice to your partner. Also don’t shy away from people you believe are bad dancers. If they are there to learn, be kind enough to let them practice with you. Everyone has to start somewhere. Even if they are terrible (in your eyes)…smile. If they’re off beat… off beat with them.
Dancing with a partner is about leading and following… it’s not always about doing the “textbook” right dance. Let him lead. There’s nothing worse than watching a woman with a back-lead so strong that it looks like she and her partner are doing karate instead of dancing. Believe it or not…if you’re together, most people won’t even notice that you’re doing it wrong or erratically. Just smile and have fun. And unless you’ve been insulted, hurt, or afraid of getting hurt, never leave your partner on the dance floor. Finish the song and let your partner walk you off the dance floor.
Not only will your partner thank you for your patience, but other men will also notice you. They will notice your kind and friendly behavior.
You don’t have to dance with bad dancers all night, but make sure you try dancing with everyone at least once. There is something to be learned from everyone. You should try dancing with people of all skill levels.
Be sure to always thank your partner at the end of the dance. This will make him want to dance with you even more.
Now get up… get out and dance!
